well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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