i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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