dude i'm inner monologue high
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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