I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
