Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
