I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
