I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
