It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Girls should come with a carfax report
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Randomize
