You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
