Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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