If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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