The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
You smell like stripper and shame
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
