so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
