I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
