Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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