The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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