why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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