ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
