i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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