All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
