is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
