you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
