i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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