All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
