JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
