i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
