I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I don't want my vagina anymore.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
