We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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