Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
we're so committed to being not committed
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
