I met the friendliest cop last night
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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