im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
i drank out of a bidet.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
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