She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
