would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
