heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
third nipple confirmed
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
