Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
