Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
