Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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