I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
