hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
