I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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