i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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