I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
