I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
