I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
