Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Moan for me like Helen Keller
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
