Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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