Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
should my penis look like a turkey
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
my poor anus
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize