I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
