i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
