i was born a porn star she said
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
