You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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