My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
