She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
He uses pillows to masturbate.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I'm really busy with my period
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