he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
