ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize