break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
