How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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