I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
i believe in u and ur pee
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize