I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
