my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
