you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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