im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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