Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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