My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I party with great urgency now.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
