She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
