I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
