should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
