I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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