we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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