Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
