I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
