Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
