Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
