I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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