Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
